Realities Of The Family Court And
the Legal Process
The truth is that the image of the British family court system is an illusion. The reality is something different.
If your experience of judges, courts, solicitors, and barristers is positive then you are lucky. However, our experiences and those of many others have been very different and that is why we wrote this Help Guide. It is for those of you who will walk into a divorce thinking that everything runs very smoothly because, after all, according to the legal dramas on TV, the legal profession is full of individuals who go beyond the call of duty and think of their service to the community first. We think not!
This website was written because we realised there was another side to the legal profession that none of us can see or will believe. We call it the dark truth. It is very important you are aware that the things written about on this page do happen despite many people in the legal profession insisting that it’s impossible. If you take a browse through Help Guide 17 Common Occurrence you will see that many of these incidents are not isolated, lots of people have experienced similar things.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE CALLED COMMON OCCURRENCE
On this webpage ‘Realities of the family court and the legal process‘, we have noted down our experiences and that of others with regards to how the courts, judges, magistrates, solicitors, and barristers really behave and what they get away with, often without consequence. The legal profession with regards to divorce law has developed many bad habits which have been allowed to continue year after year. They have guidelines and codes of conduct from their governing bodies, but to be honest from what we have experienced and heard from others, it makes no difference. The behaviour of judges, solicitors and barristers falls far short of the guidelines they should follow. And why does this continue, it does because when you do complain, very often the complaint is shut down or dismissed.
We have given true life case examples that we know about where ever we can.
THE FAMILY COURT/JUDGES AND MAGISTRATES
WILL A FAMILY COURT ANSWER YOUR TELEPHONE CALLS OR REPLY TO YOUR EMAILS PROMPTLY?
They should but more than likely they will not. If you call a court, you are very often put on hold for up to an hour. At times, after being left on hold for almost 50 minutes, the call can be cut off before it was answered. This has happened multiple times to many of us and others.
Two family courts in our area that deal with divorce were very shoddy at replying to emails. The time span for replying varied greatly from over a month to no reply at all.
IF YOU VISIT A FAMILY COURT WILL SOMEONE SPEAK TO YOUR DIRECTLY?
They should but very often the administrative window is closed, even though there are people working behind in the office. There is often a sign that says please call or email. This wouldn’t be a problem if someone actually picked up the call or replied to the emails.
We know of a litigant in person who went to her local family court to talk to the administration department because they were not replying to her emails. She asked the security guard at the door if she could talk to them but he told her to go away and send an email to the court.
CAN A FAMILY COURT LOSE YOUR PAPERWORK?
Yes they do. In one particular case the court lost a decree nisi application of the wife. She posted it by recorded delivery and it was from this evidence that she proved she had sent it to the court. The court found it 3 months later but it was too late and she had to submit another one. The court also lost her maintenance pending suit application which she posted through the court letterbox one evening. To date it has never been found.
CAN A FAMILY COURT ADMINISTRATION DEPARTMENT FORGET TO TELL A JUDGE IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT YOUR CASE?
Yes they do. You do not know what paperwork has been given to the judge and how long before your court hearing it was given.
For a court hearing, one party (the one that is represented by a solicitor) will prepare the court bundle which the court administration department will give to the judge. Sometimes these bundles can have missing paperwork, often from the other party. If this happens, the judge does not get a clear picture of the case and, therefore, makes decisions based on selective paperwork. This happens so often that it has become normal.
In one case we know about – the husband was represented by a solicitor and the wife was a litigant in person. The husbands solicitor would deliberately forget to agree the index of the bundle with the wife, string her along for days then at the last minute insist she submit her own bundle for the hearing. At the same time the husbands solicitor would only send an email copy of the bundle the day before the court hearing to the wife while the judge and the husbands barrister would be sent a A4 lever arch file of paperwork – a hard copy. In court the judge would read the husbands bundle and dismiss the wife’s objections that some of her paperwork was missing. The judge would also let the proceedings continue despite the fact the wife had nothing to refer to at the hearing because she did not have a A4 lever arch file in front of her like the judge and the husbands barrister.
CAN A JUDGE ARRIVE IN THE COURT ROOM UNPREPARED FOR A COURT CASE?
This does happen. At one hearing for a financial settlement case, the judge didn’t have a clue about the details of a case when she arrived in the court room. The judge adjourned the case for 2 hours while she read the paperwork and then called everyone into the court room. There are many cases where a judge is unaware of the main facts of the case and wrong decisions have been made.
WILL A FAMILY COURT PROVIDE A SCREEN OR PRIVATE ROOM IF YOU REQUEST IT BEFOREHAND?
Domestic violence survivors can ask the family court for a screen and a separate waiting room. Of the 2 family courts near where we are based, one of them is very good at this, but the other court ignores all requests and many individuals do not get a screen or a separate room.
CAN FAMILY COURT STAFF RAISE THEIR VOICE AT YOU?
Although this is should not be the case, unfortunately it is. We are aware of a case where a litigant in person was insistent (they were not rude or abusive) that they needed to talk to someone in the administration department because the court had not been answering their calls or replying to their emails for weeks/months. The security guard took it upon himself to decide the litigant in person was a nuisance and refused them entry to the court, shouting at them to go away. The security guard was aware the litigant in person was a domestic abuse survivor.
CAN YOUR EX-PARTNERS BARRISTER OR SOLICITOR HARASS/BULLY YOU INSIDE OR OUTSIDE THE COURT ROOM, THREATEN YOU, STOP YOU TALKING TO COURT OFFICIALS, AND FOLLOW YOU AROUND THE COURT FRIGHTENING THE LIFE OUT OF YOU?
We know of a case where at one particular husbands barrister followed the wife, who was a litigant in person, around the court building (outside the court room) making sure she didn’t talk to anyone, and if the usher spoke to her the barrister stood very close by her side and listened. Inside the court room, after the hearing, the barrister would not leave her side and kept telling all the court staff and the usher that they were not allowed to talk to her.
At another hearing, the wife had asked the security guard for a separate room and for the same barrister to be kept away from her. The wife also requested that if the barrister needed to give her any paperwork, could the barrister pass it to the usher who could then pass it to the wife. Despite this, the barrister stormed past the security guard, into the room where the wife was sitting, and banged the statement down on the table in front of her with a vicious look and then stormed out.
CAN THE COURT ADMINISTRATION MAKE MISTAKES THEREFORE DELAYING YOUR CASE?
Yes they can and do. We know of one case where the court administration department wrote the wrong type of hearing three times on the court order. It was supposed to be labelled as a directions hearing, but was written instead as a final hearing. This ended up delaying the case and causing costs to rise further.
If this happens to you then you can apply to the court to have the court order amended under something called the ‘slip rule’. This is the rule that is used where a judge can correct a court order or judgement because a mistake, omission, typing error or accidental slip has occurred. If one party to the proceedings has noticed a mistake in a court order they can make an application for correction without notice. Under this rule notice does not need to be given to the other side nor is there a requirement for a hearing so the correction can be made. The form used to make this application during financial proceedings is form D11. The form used during child proceedings is form C2.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM D11
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM C2
CAN A FAMILY COURT ALLOW YOUR EX-PARTNER TO GIVE ENDLESS DATES THAT THEY CANNOT ATTEND COURT BEFORE LISTING YOUR HE ARING FOR A DATE AND TIME?
Yes they can and do. In one case we know about the court and judges allowed the husband, after every hearing, to send in dates and times for the next year that he couldn’t attend court. He was also allowed to send in dates that his counsel (barrister) was busy and couldn’t attend court. Only after taking all of these dates into consideration, did the court list a date and time for the next hearing. This was abused by the husband who used this tactic to delay the divorce.
CAN A FAMILY COURT CANCEL/ADJOURN A HEARING AND FORGET TO INFORM YOU, OR DECIDE TO INFORM YOU BY LETTER WHICH ARRIVES AFTER THE HEARING SO YOU TURN UP ON THE DAY?
This shouldn’t happen, but it does.
In one case it happened twice to the same individual. Once the wife turned up at court to find out her court hearing had been adjourned. The next day she received a court letter informing her of this. Another time the court had adjourned her court hearing but only informed the husband so she turned up at court. The court staff did not understand the trauma and panic she suffered days before a court hearing, including the stress she suffered in the morning of the hearing. To arrive and find out there is no hearing and that another has not been listed was very upsetting for the wife.
CAN A FAMILY COURT MOVE A HEARING FROM ONE COURT TO ANOTHER THE EVENING BEFORE YOUR HEARING AND EXPECT YOU TO TURN UP?
Yes they can. In one case when an application for an occupation order was submitted, the husband didn’t attend the first hearing, so it was adjourned. The next hearing was listed with it being scheduled in the same local court, but at 5pm the evening before the hearing, the wife was informed by email that the court where it was to be heard now was across town and she would have to take public transport to get there.
CAN A FAMILY COURT GIVE YOU A TIME FOR YOUR HEARING BUT KEEP YOU WAITING FOR 4-5 HOURS AND THEN HEAR YOUR HEARING?
Yes they can. We know of one hearing that was at 10am. The litigant in person arrived in court at 9am. By the time the hearing was heard at 2.30pm, the individual was cold, tired, hungry and desperate for a cup of tea!
CAN A JUDGE/MAGISTRATE MAKE COMMENTS THAT UPSET YOU?
They are not supposed to, but they do. In one particular case the judges made the following comments –
- The wife found the judge’s comment ‘your husband gave you £1000.00′ very upsetting. She had been married 23 years with four children within the marriage and contributed a great deal to the family finances. She was awarded £1000.00 from the combined marital assets for help with any legal advice she may need. So she couldn’t understand why the judge felt the word ‘gave’ was needed, as if all the money belonged to her ex-husband and she was lucky to even have a penny of it.
- The wife had one magistrate try and get her to take an ‘undertaking’ (a commitment to do something which, if you fail to do so, can result in a fine, imprisonment, or having assets confiscated) that her children must call her ex-husband ‘daddy’. The children were refusing to call him ‘daddy’. She explained that she would try, but she couldn’t take an undertaking on the children’s behaviour. She asked why the judge wasn’t addressing the real issue as to why the children refused to call him ‘daddy’. In the end the magistrate said ‘as a mother its your duty…..’, questioning her parenting of the children. The magistrate was so annoyed with the wife that she got up and walked out of the court room, huffing and puffing.
- The wife is still astounded today that when she told the court that her ex-husband had thrown glasses of water into her face, that the magistrate said, ‘I wouldn’t have allowed that to happen to me’. Need we say more.
What shocks me is how careless some family judges and magistrates are with their comments and the painful effect it can have on the person in front of them. To us it shows a great deal of ignorance and a complete lack of understanding of family matters.
CAN A JUDGE/COURT SIT BACK AND WATCH DIVORCE LEGAL FEES GO OUT OF CONTROL?
This happens often but it is the job of the judge to monitor legal fees in a divorce case and stop them spiralling out of control. In one very sad case we found that as one husband’s legal fees accumulated, not one judge – and there were over 8 judges involved in the financial settlement case questioned him or his barrister about the following –
- Why he needed such an expensive senior barrister for each court hearing?
- Why he needed a legal team consisting of a partner of a law firm, a senior solicitor and a paralegal when his opponent – the wife – was a litigant in person?
- Why he had spent over £360,000.00 in legal fees half way through the divorce when his opponent – the wife – was a litigant in person and her expenses had been nominal.
- Why he felt the need to send the wife over 250 pieces of legal correspondence in the first year of the divorce?
What surprised us was how no judge questioned the disparity between both sides of the court where there was the wife on one side sitting alone and her ex-husband and his whole legal team on the other.
SOLICITORS
CAN A SOLICITOR TAKE ADVANTAGE OF A DIVORCING COUPLE AND PROLONG AND COMPLICATE A DIVORCE TO BENEFIT FINANCIALLY?
They are not supposed to but many do and it is because of this that the famous quote ‘the only winners on a divorce are the solicitors’ has merit.
Solicitors are privy to all the upset, stress and trauma in a divorce. It is their job to keep things calm and think first of the couple and any children within the marriage. However, it is often financially beneficial to a law firm to continue and promote the conflict within a divorce so it can be pro-longed. This comes in the form of bad advice. The more letters they write, the longer the divorce takes and the more court hearings there are, the more money they will earn. Please be aware of this and do not let divorce legal fees spiral out of control.
If this happens to you there are things you can do. Please click the link below and you will be taken to the section informing you how you complain.
If you feel that your legal costs have escalated because your solicitor conducted your case in an improper, negligent, unreasonable and illegal manner then you can make an application to the court for a wasted costs order. This is an order where an individuals legal costs are paid by their legal representative (solicitor, law firm or barrister). This is allowed under the Section 19A of the 1985 Act. If you intend to do this please speak with the citizens advise bureau.
CAN A SOLICITOR TRAINED IN BUSINESS LAW TAKE ON A FAMILY COURT CASE AND TREAT IT AS A BUSINESS DISPUTE WITH NO REGARD FOR THE CHILDREN?
We believe only solicitors trained within the field of divorce law should take on a divorce case. A specialist in divorce law will understand divorce conflict, anger, bitterness and the desire for revenge. These things can cloud a divorcing couples judgement. Here a solicitor trained in divorce law will see through the hurt and bitterness and only focus of resolving matters quickly, efficiently and encourage co-parenting if there are children within the marriage.
In one particular divorce case the solicitor handling the case was a specialist in commercial litigation, insolvency and disputes. He often referred to the divorce as a business dispute and handled it as such forgetting there were four children involved in the divorce. He was completely oblivious to the pain and suffering of the family and thus only concentrated on the win – no matter what the cost. Please do not let this happen to you.
CAN YOUR EX-PARTNERS SOLICITOR OVERWHELM YOU WITH LETTERS?
Yes they can and they do. In one case we know about the wife received over 250 pieces of legal correspondence in the first year of the divorce. It was as her ex-husband was using his solicitors like a PA service. You must prevent this from happening in your divorce if solicitors are involved. These letters cost money and the bill adds up. Then there is the trauma you experience when these letters land on your door mat just before you read them. Try and speak to your ex-partner directly and resolve matters. It is free!
CAN YOUR EX-PARTNERS SOLICITOR TARGET BIRTHDAYS, SCHOOL HOLIDAYS AND SPECIAL EVENTS WHEN SENDING YOU A LEGAL LETTER?
Yes they do. This is a well known tactic used to cause conflict during a divorce. Many solicitors firms send letters and emails on birthdays, exams and just before school half term causing upset. Other emails are often received at 4.00pm on Fridays with the law firm stating they want a reply by 4.00pm on the following Friday leaving the individual upset for the weekend and leaving them little time to go to the citizens advice bureau for advise.
CAN YOUR EX-PARTNERS SOLICITOR PREPARE A COURT BUNDLE AND SUBMIT IT WITHOUT AGREEING THE INDEX WITH YOU?
They are not supposed to but when it comes to dealing with litigants in person, most solicitors are complacent and dismissive. In a case we case across whenever the wife brought up the fact that the index of the court bundles produced by her husbands solicitors had not been agreed with her, the judges would still continue to use them in the court room and the solicitors themselves would tell her to produce one of her own and send it to the court.
CAN A SOLICITOR VIOLATE YOUR GDPR AND GET AWAY WITH IT?
We were under the impression that any information, documents, statements, records, texts etc held by a solicitors firm could not be used by them for other reasons or forwarded to other organisations and individuals such as an unregulated private investigator. To our horror we came across a case where a law firm had shared every single piece of divorce paperwork with an unregulated private investigator who lived very near the family concerned. When the judge was informed about this at the children custody final hearing, she asked a pro-bono barrister to deal with it and dismissed the matter.
So, please discuss this with any solicitor or law firm before hiring them and make sure everything you want to remain confidential actually does.
CAN A SOLICITOR SEND THREATENING LETTERS?
A solicitor specialising in family law should write letters in a manner that encourages communication so that matters can be resolved in a calm and peaceful way. The focus should be to promote as much harmony as possible. Many solicitors forget they are the peace keepers in a divorce and instead will write letters shrouded with aggression and accusations. They are aware they are causing more conflict and the reply will be in a similar manner – thus more letters and work – more money!
BARRISTERS
CAN A BARRISTER NOT TURN UP AT COURT ON THE DAY OF YOUR HEARING?
If a barrister is scheduled to attend your hearing they must. However, there are so many instances where a barrister hasn’t turned up and left their client to it in the court room. During our research, we discovered this was quite an occurrence, however what was shocking was the amount of times the client was not informed and when they finally were, the excuse given was not acceptable.
If you are paying for a barrister or even if you have a pro-bono one, please discuss this with them in advance so they do not do this to you. You should also discuss what you should do/how you can step in just in case they do not turn up and the judge decides not to adjourn your hearing.
CAN A BARRISTER LIE IN AND MISLEAD THE COURT?
They are not allowed to but they do. Don’t be surprised. Most barristers will call this a robust defence where they will say anything to win especially if they are up against a litigant in person.
If this happens to you and you realise after the hearing, you must inform the court immediately.
IF A JUDGE ASKS YOUR EX-PARTNERS BARRISTER TO WRITE THE COURT ORDER, CAN THE BARRISTER INCLUDE THINGS THAT HAVE NOT BEEN AGREED OR OMIT THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN AGREED?
This is true and does happen. Often a judge will ask your barrister or if you are a litigant in person then the judge will ask your ex-partners barrister to write what has been agreed at the hearing into a draft court order. The barrister will send this draft court order to the court to be stamped once the judge has checked it. Please note that the judge should check this court order before the court stamps it and it is sent to you and your ex-partner. Sometimes the judge does not check it. There are instances where things have been added by a barrister hoping no one will notice or alternatively things have been omitted that have been agreed.
If this happens please inform the court immediately and if they do nothing about it please inform the judge at the beginning of the next hearing. You can also make an application to the court under something called the ‘slip rule’ where a judge can amend an existing court order because the person who wrote the court order (the barrister) made a mistake and accidentally forget to add something agreed or accidentally added something not agreed.
The slip rule is the rule that is used where a judge can correct a court order or judgement because a mistake, omission, typing error or accidental slip has occurred. If one party to the proceedings has noticed a mistake in a court order they can make an application for correction without notice. Under this rule notice does not need to be given to the other side nor is there a requirement for a hearing so the correction can be made. The form used to make this application during financial proceedings is form D11 and during child proceedings is form C2.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM C2
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM D11
CAN A BARRISTER PLAY OUT THEIR OWN AGENDA DURING YOUR COURT CASE?
The main agenda for a barrister is to represent you or your ex-partner during a court hearing. They will speak to the judge on your behalf, put forward your case and try and win your case for you. A barrister must do this ethically and honestly. However, there have been cases where a barrister has represented a vulnerable client and played out their own agenda. In these cases the barrister is looking to represent their client and get the case heard over a number of hearings – of course charging for each one.
CAN A BARRISTER INTIMIDATE YOU IN AND OUT OF THE COURT ROOM?
A barrister is not allowed to do this but we have heard of many cases where a barrister has done this.
Inside the court room a judge should control a barristers behaviour and stop them bullying you. If the judge doesn’t then please complain to the barristers chambers or to the Bar Standards Board. If ever a barrister is rude to you outside the court room but in the court building, or follows you around, stops court staff from talking to you or makes you uncomfortable and bullies you, you can call the police and report them.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR HOW TO COMPLAIN ABOUT A BARRISTER
CAN A BARRISTER ENGAGE IN POST SEPARATON ABUSE BY PROXY?
Yes many do. They have always done. However, now it has a name and is slowly becoming recognised. When this happens it feels as if the barrister has replaced your ex-partner in abusing you and now it is happening in the court room. The abuse you suffered during your relationship continues in court but takes on another form.
Bullying by proxy in divorce is where a domestic violence perpetrator, an abuser, a narcissist, or a revengeful ex-partner continues the abuse by using solicitors, barristers and the courts. This will allow them to further abuse, frighten, control, pro-long contact. stop their ex-partner from moving on and maintain power and a hold over their ex-partner’s life.
Barrister can be quite nasty in court, calling it a robust defence. In my opinion this is wrong and judges should not allow this.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR BULLYING BY PROXY IN DIVORCE
CAN A BARRISTER MAKE UNFOUNDED ALLEGATIONS AGAINST YOU?
They should not be able to especially if your ex-partner has not made the allegation. A barrister cannot just play out your court case with whatever they want to say, they must stick to the truth and to the facts of the case.
Note – If any of the following have happened to you, you can complain. Please click the link below to find out how to complain.