There is nothing better than starting to date again after divorce or separation. Getting yourself back out there can be exciting, but also nerve-wracking. The problem is that most people are nervous because they haven’t dated for some time, whilst others feel they have lost that romantic and sexual touch they once had.
Love, dating, romance, and sex are very important aspects of your wellbeing.
Read our tips on how to overcome these obstacles and how to start dating again successfully when you’re ready. Remember – there’s no time limit to re-entering the dating scene, get out there when you feel its best for you. Only when it feels like the right time for you.
1. Don’t talk about your ex and your divorce as if you’re in a history lesson
If your date asks a question about your ex or your divorce then yes, do answer if you’re comfortable! But be careful you don’t turn them into your counsellor. Remember – you’re on a date. Enjoy the present moment and don’t fall back into the past. Focus on what’s in front of you (both the future and quite literally the person in front of you!)
2. Don’t compare your date to your ex
It’s very easy to start comparing your new date to your ex, especially if they’re not making you feel like your ex used to or they’re not as romantic or they don’t have a way with words like your ex did. Understand that people are different, and they bring different things to the table. Appreciate their qualities and give them a chance. This takes time.
3. Get excited!
It’s natural to be nervous and cautious about dating again, especially if you’ve been married for a long time. But don’t let it stop you from getting what you want. If the nerves are getting to you, try reframing your thoughts from nervousness to excitement. Physically, your body produces the same symptoms for both of these emotions – sweating, stomach butterflies, higher heart rate etc. So reframing your thoughts to put you into an excited mood can help alleviate any nervousness you might be feeling. Simply saying that you’re excited out loud will do the trick.
Changing the way you see situations can help you navigate them much easier, so go get excited and enjoy your date!
4. Give the date a chance
You will never find out everything about someone over one date. It takes time to get to know someone. Give the other person a chance to reveal their qualities, to impress you, to kick start those feelings of falling in love. Your first time meeting will probably be quite nerve wracking, not only for you, but your date too. If you get the feeling that they’re not right for you, having a second date will either confirm this or give you a chance to get to know them further. Do what’s right for you without preventing yourself from getting to know someone who could be right for you.
5. Love yourself so your date can fall in love with you
Over the course of a long marriage, it’s easy to forget your own qualities, your inner and outer beauty, and your talent. You may have not been reminded about them for some time, you may have let yourself go, or not used any of your talents, making you forget all the good things about yourself.
Before you get back out there, one of the first things you must do after divorce or separation is fall in love with yourself. Be your biggest supporter. This will help bring all your best qualities to the surface for the whole world to see. But most of all, this is for you to see these qualities for yourself and appreciate yourself. If you love yourself for who you are, then others will also.
6. Be ready to have fun
No one is too old to have fun. And dating can be fun! Allow the process to be one full of fun and laughter. Whatever happens, go with it. Don’t stifle your fun or think it’s silly. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be laughing, having fun, or doing things that you haven’t been doing for years just because you’re an adult. Be free and enjoy yourself.
7. Feel sexy to be sexy
Many of us forget to be sexy when in a long-term marriage. This is something you must re-kindle in yourself. Feel good about the way you look, your talents and your inner self. Start looking after your body and your appearance for you. Buy new underwear, exercise, wear make-up, have a haircut (maybe even dye your hair!) and start feeling good about yourself.
Go explore our other articles on treating your body with love with home spa treatments, altering your thinking, and so much more.
8. Take your time while you date and go at your own pace
Enjoy the dating process and take your time. Don’t be rushed into making decisions because your date is eager to move things along much quicker than you. Don’t feel guilty for the pace you’re going at. Communicate instead and let them know how you’re feeling and how you want the process to go.
If one date doesn’t go the way you want it to, that’s okay. You probably won’t find what you want on your first time out. Don’t get disheartened. And don’t settle for less.
9. Don’t just date people who you think are your type. Try different people
This is something that everyone should be open to. Yes, we all have a type that we find attractive, but if you don’t try and date other types of people, then you’ll end up limiting the chances of your happiness with another person. You’ll limit the chances of finding the right person for you. Although you shouldn’t settle or lower your standards, when you look for your typical type, you may forget to look at the person as a whole. A potential partner with a great personality who could bring you happiness.
You might meet some interesting people along the way that you never thought you’d fall for.
10. Be honest
It’s important that you stay honest. Be honest about your age, the number of children you have, and your marital status (where you are in your divorce/separation) at the beginning of any new relationship. If this new relationship gets serious and deep feelings start developing, then you’ll be entering the relationship openly and honestly. You won’t have any uncomfortable discussions where you have to explain yourself or come across as dishonest.
Share your dating stories with us on our forum and social media! Let us know what tips we might’ve missed.
