So, you’re separated and on the brink of divorce, or right in the middle of one and you’ve had a change of heart. There’s a million reasons to be excited and just as many to be cautious. So how do you navigate a ‘make up’ with your ex which leaves you feeling secure and happy.
Here we go….
1.Think as if you're turning the page to a new chapter of a book you're already reading
Even though you may have been apart, you both know each other, you’ve both had a previous relationship and were once comfortable with each other before things went wrong and drove you apart. Coming back together will be like starting a new chapter in a book you are already familiar with. New things will happen, there will be new twists and turns and new experiences. However, there will be some comfort in the fact that you are both familiar with each other.
2. You’ve been given a second chance so don't make the same mistakes again
We all know, even if we don’t admit it, what went wrong in our previous relationship and our own role in it. You know your ex very well, you know their responses to things and what causes arguments and stress between you both. So try and avoid the things that cause arguments, be patient with one another and do things differently so the outcome is different and harmonious.
3. Be careful how much you tell about what you’ve been up to after separation
This is a tricky one. Some will say be honest and tell your partner everything. Don’t hold back. Then there will be others who will say, only tell your partner as much as they can handle or give them very limited information. Both ways have their flaws and their benefits. Here at the I AM L.I.P office we are divided on what we would do. Some of us would say everything and then there are others of us who would say very little or nothing at all. You know your partner so think before you make the decision to explain yourself.
4. Date, date and date
Romance, love and intimacy is vital for your relationship with your ex to work. It is important to spend time together especially when you are focusing on each other and not other things. Therefore, you both must date again. Don’t take this for granted and just slip back into the same routine. Date, make time for each other and spend this time showing each other affection and love. Spend this time creating new memories (point 8 below).
5. Appreciate each other
There are a lot of benefits to being single. There are just as many when in a relationship. Your ex is now back in your life so your life is different now, and maybe better so think good things and appreciate what they bring into your life.
6. Don’t overwhelm each other
It is very easy to run away with your enthusiasm and happiness at getting back together with your ex. Right now you both probably can’t get enough of each other and that’s ok. However, make sure you both don’t start feeling overwhelmed at the amount of time you both are spending together especially if you are used to spending a lot of time alone.
7. Move forward, not backwards
If your new relationship with your ex is going to work then you must forget about the past that is ‘bad’ and replace it with a ‘good’ today. Going back into the past will upset you, make you anxious and will be damaging for your relationship. Experiencing new things together to build a new and better future for the both of you will always be more fruitful.
8. Create new memories
It is important to do new things together so you can learn and experience different things about each other. This will create new memories and hopefully replace old ones that you might want to forget.
9. Make Each Other Feel Loved And Wanted
Your ex has now become a part of your life again therefore adjustments will have to be made to accommodate them. You may have started getting used to doing things by yourself and at your pace, now you will need to take your ex (your new partner) into consideration. It is important that you slowly and patiently bring about these changes. If you rush then you may get overwhelmed and take it out on your ex.
10. Once you’ve made up your mind, don't listen to the people who don't agree
There will always be people in your life from family members to friends who will disagree with your decision to reunite with your ex. You may have spoken to them about your past experiences or they may have witnessed your upset and trauma. They may be shocked or dismayed at your decision, they may be trying to be protective but whatever their reasons you must now not be influenced by them. Once you’ve decided to make a go of it with your ex, kindly explain to them that you would like them to support you, trust your judgement and your decision. Be patient and allow them to adjust. If they speak about the past then change the subject or kindly ask them not to.
If you would like to share your experiences about making up with your ex please let us know on our forum and social media! Share some of your thoughts with others and start a conversation.
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We do not offer any form of medical or psychological advice. The information in our wellbeing articles are offered for educational purposes only. Our wellbeing articles are not intended to diagnose, treat or prevent any disease. Thank you.
