Divorce is full of uncertainty. Especially if your divorce is acrimonious. There is uncertainty whether your ex-partner will be amicable, agree to what you want, how will you both co-parent, how will you divide everything and what will happen in the future.
Uncertainty is not knowing what is going to happen and not having control over your life and your situation. It often leaves you with a feeling of powerlessness and can drain you emotionally. Worrying is a common side effect of uncertainty.
Uncertainty evokes fear. Fear is a human emotion which can cause stress and anxiety.
A popular phrase for uncertainty is ‘living in limbo’.
Although we cannot remove the uncertainty from your life, allow us to give you some tips on how to remain calm and peaceful during your period of uncertainty.
Understand the certain column is longer than the uncertain one
On a piece of paper make two columns. Label one ‘CERTAIN and label the other column ‘UNCERTAIN’. Write down all the things in your life you are certain about in the certain column and then do the same for the thing’s in your life you are uncertain about. You will notice that your certain list is longer.
You have a lot more things in your life you are certain about and have control over. There’s only a few things that are uncertain. Therefore you are more in control of your life than you think. Focus and shift your attention on the things that are certain and allow them to give you happiness and make you feel good.
Understand that over a period of time the uncertain column will reduce.
Write a note to yourself
The note should say ‘I am uncertain about what will happen in my divorce but I know the outcome will be good for me so I must smile’. Put this note in your handbag or your drawer. Read it whenever you get stressed or upset. After you have read it, smile. Think positive about the outcome whenever that will be.
You can replace the word divorce with whatever you are uncertain about.
Enjoy the now - today
The future is unpredictable. Even when there is certainty, there will still be some uncertainty because things may not go exactly as you may think or things may happen that are totally out of your control. As this is the case tell yourself that you must enjoy whatever is happening in your life today. Tell yourself that you are going to make the most of today. Tell yourself you are not going to give up your today by worrying about tomorrow.
Think about your past successes
Make a list of all your successes in your past. Once you have, go over each one and recall how you overcame obstacles and came out on top. This will make you feel like a winner and remind you that you are capable of dealing with anything that comes your way and that you are used to success.
Make plans
On a large piece of paper (A4 or A3) draw a list of columns. In every column write a possible outcome. Underneath this outcome write a plan of what you would do, how you would deal with it, how you would overcome it and how you would progress forward if this outcome came true.
These plans will give you security and calmness. Deep down you now know that if this outcome happens what you will do, how will you cope and that alone will reassure you.
Prepare yourself
Once you have the plan for what you will do for every possible outcome then make a few preparations so you feel secure you can handle each and every outcome no matter what.
If you would like to share other tips that have helped you during your divorce or during other tough times please let us know on our forum and social media! Share some of your thoughts with others and start a conversation.
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