Mediation
WHAT IS MEDIATION?
When you and your ex-partner are finding it difficult to agree on decisions concerning child arrangements and the division of your marital assets, you both can ask a mediator to intervene and help.
Mediation is a flexible, confidential, and helpful collaborative process away from the courts used to sort out child arrangements and dividing marital assets, finances and pensions between divorcing partners. You can use this process if you are starting divorce proceedings, already divorced, separated, or in the process of separating.
Mediation is a cheaper, quicker, and constructive way for you and your ex-partner to reach agreement, negotiate, and find a way forward often in a calm and supportive environment with an experienced mediator present rather than talking through expensive solicitor’s letters, going to court and paying for barristers.
IS MEDIATION ENCOURAGED BY THE UK GOVERNMENT?
Mediation is encouraged by the courts and the government. Since 2014, it is now a requirement that ex-partners wishing to divorce must try mediation before going through the traditional litigated court process. However, mediation can only proceed forward if you and your ex-partner both agree.
The law also extends to others such as grandparents and wider members of the family when trying to get child contact or custody. They must try mediation first before making an application to the court for them to intervene.
LINK TO OUR HELP GUIDE FOR GRANDPARENTS AND THE WIDER FAMILY
WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOUR EX-PARTNER DOES NOT AGREE TO MEDIATION?
If your ex-partner does not agree to mediation then the mediation company you have chosen will complete section 4 of your form C100 – form used to start the court process of child arrangements – and section 4 of form A – form used to start the court process of dividing your marital assets – to take these issues to the court to sort out.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO FORM C100
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE TO FORM A
Once the mediation option is no longer viable you will need to start the court process of sorting out your divorce, child arrangements and dividing marital assets, finances and pensions yourself. Our Help Guides 3, 4, & 5 will help you.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 3 – 4 BASIC STEPS OF DIVORCE PAPERWORK EXPLAINED
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 4 – CHILD ARRANGEMENTS
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 5 – DIVIDING MARITAL ASSETS, FINANCES, AND PENSIONS
WHAT IS THE FAMILY MEDIATION SCHEME?
In March 2021, the government launched a family mediation voucher scheme to help with mediation fees. If a person is eligible they can get up to £500.00 towards mediation per family/case.
IS MEDIATION SUITABLE FOR FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN?
Mediators are required by law to help divorcing ex-partners ascertain the thoughts and wants of the children. Children are encouraged to participate and put forward their views. Mediators encourage co-parenting. Mediators can also talk directly to the children to seek their wishes. This is called child-inclusive mediation. It gives children a voice, they can air their concerns and anxieties and ask for help. Sometimes a child can be more honest to a third party than their parent at a time of crisis. For child-inclusive mediation to go ahead, both you and your ex-partner will need to agree. Please remember the parents authority is always paramount. Most mediators will not work with children below 6 years of age.
Please note – you can arrange support for your children by informing their school.
HOW DOES MEDIATION WORK?
Either you or your ex-partner will contact and arrange the mediator. The mediator will send an invitation by letter, email, or phone to the other ex-partner to join. Both you and your ex-partner will be asked to attend an introductory MIAM – Mediation, Information and Assessment Meeting – separately. The mediator will inform you how mediation works, the rules, and what you hope to achieve. Here, you can decide if mediation is suitable for you.
The mediator will initially ask both ex-partners to complete questionnaires and forms to understand the marriage and what needs to be sorted out. After this, the date and time for the first appointment will be agreed for both ex-partners to attend.
Through a series of sessions, the mediator, who will be impartial, will meet both ex-partners at the same time to discuss issues that they need to sort out, child contact and arrangements, and how they should divide the marital assets and reach a fair settlement. Occasionally, both ex-partners can attend separately. The mediator will manage and handle negotiations, put forward choices you have, and try to find solutions that both ex-partners are happy with. They cannot impose their suggestions or views.
At all times, the final say of all decisions will rest with the two ex-partners. A solicitor can be consulted during the mediation process at any time.
WHAT IS AN OUTCOME STATEMENT OR A MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING?
At the end of the mediation, you will have a summary of the decisions made and agreed by both ex-partners. This is called an outcome statement or a memorandum of understanding. Now the mediation company or a solicitor can write yours and your ex-partner’s decisions onto a piece of paper called a draft consent agreement and send it to the court to be approved/formalised by the court and made into a legal consent order/court order.
Please click on the link to find out more details on the draft consent agreement.
HOW TO FIND A MEDIATOR?
Most law firms have mediation departments you can contact or you can find a local mediator through the nationwide family mediation service.
LINK TO NATIONWIDE FAMILY MEDIATION SERVICE
CAN WHAT I SAY DURING MEDIATION BE USED LATER IN COURT?
No, whatever is said during mediation cannot be used later in court. But some things that are said in mediation can be seen as open information and can be used.
WHEN IS MEDIATION NOT SUITABLE FOR DIVORCE, CHILD ARRANGEMENTS AND THE DIVISION OF YOUR MARITAL ASSETS, FINANCES AND PENSIONS?
1) MEDIATION MAY BE UNSUITABLE IF YOUR DIVORCE INVOLVES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE
Mediation may be unsuitable if your divorce involves domestic violence and abuse. If this is the case and you want to take your divorce directly to the courts to sort out, then you will need to complete –
- Parts 2 & 3 of form C100 – The form used to start the court process for child arrangements.
- Parts 2 & 3 of form A – The form used to start the court process of division of marital assets and finances
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM C100
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM A
Our Help Guides 3, 4, & 5 will help you navigate the whole court process of sorting out your divorce, child arrangements and dividing your marital assets, finances and pensions if you choose to do it yourself as a litigant in person.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 3 – 4 BASIC STEPS OF DIVORCE PAPERWORK EXPLAINED
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 4 – CHILD ARRANGEMENTS
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 5 – DIVIDING MARITAL ASSETS, FINANCES, AND PENSIONS
2) MEDIATION IS NOT REQUIRED IF YOU AND YOUR EX-PARTNER HAVE ALREADY AGREED CHILD ARRANGEMENTS AND DIVIDING YOUR ASSETS, FINANCES AND PENSIONS BETWEEN YOURSELVES AND WRITTEN THEM INTO DRAFT CONSENT AGREEMENTS.
Mediation is also not required when you and your ex-partner have already agreed your child arrangements and the division of your marital assets, finances and pensions between yourselves. This is called Do It Yourself (DIY) divorce. Please click on the link below to read about DIY divorce. It will explain the process and give you the links of how to write a draft consent agreement, what to include and how to get the court to approve it.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR DO IT YOURSELF DIVORCE
ONCE YOU START MEDIATION, CAN YOU STOP IT IF YOU WANT TO?
If at any point you or your ex-partner do not wish to continue with mediation, either of you can ask the mediator to complete –
- Part 4 of form FM1 – The family mediation information and assessment meeting form – to take the divorce to the courts to sort out.
- Part 4 of form C100 – The form used to start the court process for child arrangements – to take the divorce to the courts to sort out.
- Part 4 of form A – The form used to start the court process of division of marital assets and finances – to take the divorce to the courts to sort out.
Which form the mediator completes will depend which forms you have already sent in to the court and where you are in the divorce process. Your mediator will do this.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM FM1
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM C100
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE FOR FORM A
If you find the mediation option is no longer viable you will need to start the court process of sorting out your divorce, child arrangements and dividing marital assets, finances and pensions yourself. Our Help Guides 3, 4, & 5 will help you.
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 3 – 4 BASIC STEPS OF DIVORCE PAPERWORK EXPLAINED
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 4 – CHILD ARRANGEMENTS
LINK TO OUR L.I.P HELP GUIDE 5 – DIVIDING MARITAL ASSETS, FINANCES, AND PENSIONS
WHAT IS REMOTE/ONLINE MEDIATION?
This is when a MIAM (a mediation, information and assessment meeting) or any subsequent mediation meeting can take place remotely and all concerned do not have to be in the same building at the same time. It is conducted by online video. You will need a laptop or mobile phone. Online video mediation can take place by one of the following applications which you, your ex-partner, and the mediation company/mediator will need to download onto your or their device.
- Zoom.
- Microsoft Teams.
- WhatsApp.
- Facetime.
- Skype.
- Facebook Messenger.
- Google Meet
- Webex
PROS OF ONLINE VIDEO
- You can engage with mediation in the comfort of your own home.
- You can choose your location, even if you are abroad.
- No travelling time.
- No travelling fees.
- No car parking fees.
- If you have mobility problems, online video mediation may be easier for you.
- Online video mediation could reduce tension, anxiety, and stress between you and your ex-partner because you are not in the same room.
CONS OF ONLINE VIDEO
- There may not be any privacy or space in your home.
- Technical issues may arise.
- You may not be comfortable with the technology.
Some people find this method very effective. Others who have had face to face mediation sessions have used online video mediation to continue the sessions. All participants must have copies of all paperwork needed during the meeting. Some mediation companies will put these documents online so all parties can access them.